Santa & Banta

Santa : I tried your number so many times, it always said 'Switched Off'!' Banta : Nahi Pape, it's my HELLO TUNE!


Daku Mangal Singh Banta Ke Ghar Mein Ghus Ayaa.. Daku : Sona kahan hai, Jaldi Bataao..! Banta : Pura Ghar Khali Hai Malko, Jithe Marzi So Jao!

Santa : Kaisi Sabzi Banai Hai, Bilkul Gobar Jaisa Swad Hai ! Jasmeet : Hey bhagwan! Na Jane Inhone Kya-Kya Kha Ke Dekha Hua Hai. Gobar Ka Swad Bhi Pata Hai..!

Banta : Praji, Jab Main Paida Hua Tha To Military Walon Ne 21 Topein Chalayeen Thi. Santa : Kamaal Hai ! Sab Ka Nishana Kayse Chook Gaya..?

Santa meets his friend Bunta Santa : A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B...! Bunta : Oye, Iska Matlab ? Santa : Kuch Nahin Yaar, I Mean Long Time No C..!

Santa : Drinking-n-Driving Dono Nalo Naal Nai Ho Sakde. Banta : Kyoo Ji ? Santa : Je Speedbreaker Aa Gaya Taa Peg Dul Jau.

Phone Ki Ganti Baji. Santa : Phone Mere Liye Ho To Kehna Mein Ghar Pe Nahin Hoon. Jasmeet : Wo Ghar Pe Hain. Santa : Maine Mana Kiya Tha Ke... Jasmeet : Phone Mere Liye Tha!

Santa : Aapne Nurse Bahut Changi Rakhi Hai, Uska Haath Lagtey Hi Mein Theek Ho Gaya. Doctor: Jaanta Hoon, Thappad Ki Awaaz Mujhe Bhi Sunai Di Thi.

Santa : Yaar! Main Apna Purse Ghar Bhool Aaya, Mainu 1000 Rs Chahide Si. Banta : Dost Hi Dost De Kam Aunda Hai, Le 10 Rs, Riksha Kar Te Purse Le Aa.

Banta : Wo Ladki Deaf Lagti Hai. Main Kuch Kehta Hoon, Woh Kuch Aur Hi Bolti Hai. Santa : Kaise? Banta : Maine Kaha I Luv U, To Woh Boli 'Maine Kal Hi Naye Sandal kharide hain'

A crow shits on Banta. Preeto gives tissue paper to him. Banta: Koi Fhayda Nahin, Kauwa Toh Udd Gaya..!

Santa : When I get mad at you,you never fight back.How do you control your anger? Jasmeet : I clean the toilet bowl. Santa : How does that help? Jasmeet : I use your toothbrush!

Santa was huging a blank paper. Banta : Ye kya hai? Santa: Meri girl friend ka love letter hai. Banta : Magar ye toh khali hai. Santa: Aaj kal hamari baatchit band hai.

whose hand it was.

Hi Guys,

BCCI has announced Rs1 Cr to anyone who finds out whose hand it was.

hurryyyyyyyyyy guys

OFFICE KI DUWA

The sardaar's again

A Gujarati, a Madrasi and a sardaar were doing construction work onScaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were having lunch and Gujju said, "Dhokla! If I get dhokla one moretime for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

The Madrasi opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Idli Sambhar again! If Iget idli sambhar one more time I'm going to jump off too."

The sardaar opened his lunch and said, "Parontha again! If I get a paronthaone more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day, the Gujju opened his lunch box, saw dhokla, and jumped to hisdeath.
The Madrasi opened his lunch, saw idli sambhar, and jumped, too.

The sardaar opened his lunch, saw the parontha and jumped to his death aswell.

At the funeral, Gujju's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known howreally tired he was of dhokla, I never would have given it to him again!"

The Madrasi's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him dossa! Ididn't realize he hated idli sambhar so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the sardaar's wife. ???????????????????????????
????????

The sardaar's wife said,
"Don't look at me.
He makes his own lunch.

JOKES ON SARDAR

1.Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening. Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

2. On a romantic day sardar's girlfriend asks him. Darling on our engagement day will you give me a ring Sardar: Ya sure, from landline or mobile?

3. 2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car. Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing sardar 2 : Don?t worry, I have one more.

4. Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks sardar why are you removing a wheel from your auto. sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler.

5. Sardar : What is the name of your car ? Lady : I forgot the name, but it starts with "T". Sardar : Oye, your car is great. It starts with "Tea". My car startswith Petrol only..

6. American told sardar : In my country, 90% of marriages are held with e-mail. Sardar : Your country is great because in my country 100% of marriagesare held with female.

7. How will you destroy a submarine full of sardars? Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it

ESSAY ONINDIAN COW BY A CANDIDATE APPEARINGFOR IAS EXAMINATION

An essay written on INDIAN COW by a candidate appearing for IAS exam. This was published in the Marathi daily news paper - Loksatta

ALLAH KE NAAM PE KUCH DE DE OBAMA

ZARDARI BEGGING IN FRONT OF TWO BEGGARS OF THE WORLDS

TWO CHOICES

Two Choices
What would you do?....you make the choice. Don't look for a punch line, there isn't one. Read it anyway. My question is: Would you have made the same choice?

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves children with learning disabilities, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its
dedicated staff, he offered a question:
'When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does, is done with perfection.
Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do.
Where is the natural order of things in my son?'

The audience was stilled by the query.

The father continued. 'I believe that when a child like Shay, who was mentally and physically disabled comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child.'
Then he told the following story:

Shay and I had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, 'Do you think they'll let me play?' I knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but as a father I also understood that if my son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.

I approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, 'We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning.'

Shay struggled over to the team's bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. I watched with a small tear in my eye and warmth in my heart. The boys saw my joy at my son being accepted.
In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three.
In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as I waved to him from the stands.
In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again.
Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.

At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game?
Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.

However, as Shay stepped up to the
plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact..
The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed.
The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay.
As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.

The game would now be over.
The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman.
Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.

Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman's head, out of reach of all team mates.
Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, 'Shay, run to first!
Run to first!'
Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base.
He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

Everyone yelled, 'Run to second, run to second!'
Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base.
B y the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball . the smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team.
He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head.
Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.

All were screaming, 'Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay'

Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, 'Run to third!
Shay, run to third!'

As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, 'Shay, run home! Run home!'
Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team

'That day', said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, 'the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world'.

Shay didn't make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making me so happy, and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!

AND NOW A LITTLE FOOT NOTE TO THIS STORY:
We all send thousands of jokes through the e-mail without a second thought, but when it comes to sending messages about life choices, people hesitate.
The crude, vulgar, and often obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion about decency is too often suppressed in our schools and workplaces.

If you're thinking about forwarding this message, chances are that you're probably sorting out the people in your address book who aren't the 'appropriate' ones to receive this type of message Well, the person who sent you this believes that we all can make a difference.
We all have thousands of opportunities every single day to help realize the 'natural order of things.'
So many seemingly trivial interactions between two people present us with a choice:
Do we pass along a little spark of love and humanity or do we pass up those opportunities and leave the world a little bit colder in the process?

A wise man once said every society is judged by how it treats it's least fortunate amongst them.

You now have two choices:
1. Delete
2. Forward


May your day, be a Shay Day.

Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply.

'Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply.


If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.
If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.
If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.
She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.'
So - if you give her crap,
you will receive more shit than any one human being can handle

School days

School days --fun --check this out,It's back again..... Even if you've already read this famous fwd,It's worth reading once more...... DO NOT MISS A SINGLE LINE ...... and the last one is fantastic

School days --fun --check this out,It's back again..... Even if you've already read this famous fwd,It's worth reading once more...... DO NOT MISS A SINGLE LINE ...... and the last one is fantastic

HumanResources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died

HR Processes One day while walking down the street a highly successful HumanResources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soularrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peterhimself. "Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you getsettled inthough, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we'venever once had a Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're notreally sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in," said the woman. "Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we'regoing todo is let you have a day in Helland a day in Heaven and then you canchoose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay inHeaven", said the woman
"Sorry, we have rules..."
And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and itwent down-down-down to hell.
The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto theputting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a countryclub and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellowexecutives that she had worked with and they were well dressed inevening owns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on bothcheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent roundof golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed anexcellent steak and lobster dinner.

She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind ofcute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was havingsuch a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave.Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.
The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gatesand found St. Peter waiting for her.

"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So shespentthe next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp andsinging. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St.Peter came and got her.
"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day inheaven.Now you must choose your eternity,"
The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I neverthought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I thinkI had a better time in Hell."
So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell.
When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standingin a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friendswere dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.
The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.
"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterdayI was hereand there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and wedanced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my
friends look miserable."
The Devil looked at her smiled and told...-
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Yesterday we were recruiting you, Today you are an employee.