Santa & Banta

Santa : I tried your number so many times, it always said 'Switched Off'!' Banta : Nahi Pape, it's my HELLO TUNE!


Daku Mangal Singh Banta Ke Ghar Mein Ghus Ayaa.. Daku : Sona kahan hai, Jaldi Bataao..! Banta : Pura Ghar Khali Hai Malko, Jithe Marzi So Jao!

Santa : Kaisi Sabzi Banai Hai, Bilkul Gobar Jaisa Swad Hai ! Jasmeet : Hey bhagwan! Na Jane Inhone Kya-Kya Kha Ke Dekha Hua Hai. Gobar Ka Swad Bhi Pata Hai..!

Banta : Praji, Jab Main Paida Hua Tha To Military Walon Ne 21 Topein Chalayeen Thi. Santa : Kamaal Hai ! Sab Ka Nishana Kayse Chook Gaya..?

Santa meets his friend Bunta Santa : A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B...! Bunta : Oye, Iska Matlab ? Santa : Kuch Nahin Yaar, I Mean Long Time No C..!

Santa : Drinking-n-Driving Dono Nalo Naal Nai Ho Sakde. Banta : Kyoo Ji ? Santa : Je Speedbreaker Aa Gaya Taa Peg Dul Jau.

Phone Ki Ganti Baji. Santa : Phone Mere Liye Ho To Kehna Mein Ghar Pe Nahin Hoon. Jasmeet : Wo Ghar Pe Hain. Santa : Maine Mana Kiya Tha Ke... Jasmeet : Phone Mere Liye Tha!

Santa : Aapne Nurse Bahut Changi Rakhi Hai, Uska Haath Lagtey Hi Mein Theek Ho Gaya. Doctor: Jaanta Hoon, Thappad Ki Awaaz Mujhe Bhi Sunai Di Thi.

Santa : Yaar! Main Apna Purse Ghar Bhool Aaya, Mainu 1000 Rs Chahide Si. Banta : Dost Hi Dost De Kam Aunda Hai, Le 10 Rs, Riksha Kar Te Purse Le Aa.

Banta : Wo Ladki Deaf Lagti Hai. Main Kuch Kehta Hoon, Woh Kuch Aur Hi Bolti Hai. Santa : Kaise? Banta : Maine Kaha I Luv U, To Woh Boli 'Maine Kal Hi Naye Sandal kharide hain'

A crow shits on Banta. Preeto gives tissue paper to him. Banta: Koi Fhayda Nahin, Kauwa Toh Udd Gaya..!

Santa : When I get mad at you,you never fight back.How do you control your anger? Jasmeet : I clean the toilet bowl. Santa : How does that help? Jasmeet : I use your toothbrush!

Santa was huging a blank paper. Banta : Ye kya hai? Santa: Meri girl friend ka love letter hai. Banta : Magar ye toh khali hai. Santa: Aaj kal hamari baatchit band hai.

whose hand it was.

Hi Guys,

BCCI has announced Rs1 Cr to anyone who finds out whose hand it was.

hurryyyyyyyyyy guys

OFFICE KI DUWA

The sardaar's again

A Gujarati, a Madrasi and a sardaar were doing construction work onScaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were having lunch and Gujju said, "Dhokla! If I get dhokla one moretime for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

The Madrasi opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Idli Sambhar again! If Iget idli sambhar one more time I'm going to jump off too."

The sardaar opened his lunch and said, "Parontha again! If I get a paronthaone more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day, the Gujju opened his lunch box, saw dhokla, and jumped to hisdeath.
The Madrasi opened his lunch, saw idli sambhar, and jumped, too.

The sardaar opened his lunch, saw the parontha and jumped to his death aswell.

At the funeral, Gujju's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known howreally tired he was of dhokla, I never would have given it to him again!"

The Madrasi's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him dossa! Ididn't realize he hated idli sambhar so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the sardaar's wife. ???????????????????????????
????????

The sardaar's wife said,
"Don't look at me.
He makes his own lunch.

JOKES ON SARDAR

1.Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening. Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

2. On a romantic day sardar's girlfriend asks him. Darling on our engagement day will you give me a ring Sardar: Ya sure, from landline or mobile?

3. 2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car. Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing sardar 2 : Don?t worry, I have one more.

4. Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks sardar why are you removing a wheel from your auto. sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler.

5. Sardar : What is the name of your car ? Lady : I forgot the name, but it starts with "T". Sardar : Oye, your car is great. It starts with "Tea". My car startswith Petrol only..

6. American told sardar : In my country, 90% of marriages are held with e-mail. Sardar : Your country is great because in my country 100% of marriagesare held with female.

7. How will you destroy a submarine full of sardars? Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it

ESSAY ONINDIAN COW BY A CANDIDATE APPEARINGFOR IAS EXAMINATION

An essay written on INDIAN COW by a candidate appearing for IAS exam. This was published in the Marathi daily news paper - Loksatta

ALLAH KE NAAM PE KUCH DE DE OBAMA

ZARDARI BEGGING IN FRONT OF TWO BEGGARS OF THE WORLDS

TWO CHOICES

Two Choices
What would you do?....you make the choice. Don't look for a punch line, there isn't one. Read it anyway. My question is: Would you have made the same choice?

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves children with learning disabilities, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its
dedicated staff, he offered a question:
'When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does, is done with perfection.
Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do.
Where is the natural order of things in my son?'

The audience was stilled by the query.

The father continued. 'I believe that when a child like Shay, who was mentally and physically disabled comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child.'
Then he told the following story:

Shay and I had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, 'Do you think they'll let me play?' I knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but as a father I also understood that if my son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.

I approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, 'We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning.'

Shay struggled over to the team's bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. I watched with a small tear in my eye and warmth in my heart. The boys saw my joy at my son being accepted.
In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three.
In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as I waved to him from the stands.
In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again.
Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.

At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game?
Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.

However, as Shay stepped up to the
plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact..
The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed.
The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay.
As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.

The game would now be over.
The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman.
Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.

Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman's head, out of reach of all team mates.
Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, 'Shay, run to first!
Run to first!'
Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base.
He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

Everyone yelled, 'Run to second, run to second!'
Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base.
B y the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball . the smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team.
He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head.
Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.

All were screaming, 'Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay'

Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, 'Run to third!
Shay, run to third!'

As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, 'Shay, run home! Run home!'
Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team

'That day', said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, 'the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world'.

Shay didn't make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making me so happy, and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!

AND NOW A LITTLE FOOT NOTE TO THIS STORY:
We all send thousands of jokes through the e-mail without a second thought, but when it comes to sending messages about life choices, people hesitate.
The crude, vulgar, and often obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion about decency is too often suppressed in our schools and workplaces.

If you're thinking about forwarding this message, chances are that you're probably sorting out the people in your address book who aren't the 'appropriate' ones to receive this type of message Well, the person who sent you this believes that we all can make a difference.
We all have thousands of opportunities every single day to help realize the 'natural order of things.'
So many seemingly trivial interactions between two people present us with a choice:
Do we pass along a little spark of love and humanity or do we pass up those opportunities and leave the world a little bit colder in the process?

A wise man once said every society is judged by how it treats it's least fortunate amongst them.

You now have two choices:
1. Delete
2. Forward


May your day, be a Shay Day.

Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply.

'Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply.


If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.
If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.
If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.
She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.'
So - if you give her crap,
you will receive more shit than any one human being can handle

School days

School days --fun --check this out,It's back again..... Even if you've already read this famous fwd,It's worth reading once more...... DO NOT MISS A SINGLE LINE ...... and the last one is fantastic

School days --fun --check this out,It's back again..... Even if you've already read this famous fwd,It's worth reading once more...... DO NOT MISS A SINGLE LINE ...... and the last one is fantastic

HumanResources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died

HR Processes One day while walking down the street a highly successful HumanResources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soularrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peterhimself. "Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you getsettled inthough, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we'venever once had a Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're notreally sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in," said the woman. "Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we'regoing todo is let you have a day in Helland a day in Heaven and then you canchoose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay inHeaven", said the woman
"Sorry, we have rules..."
And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and itwent down-down-down to hell.
The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto theputting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a countryclub and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellowexecutives that she had worked with and they were well dressed inevening owns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on bothcheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent roundof golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed anexcellent steak and lobster dinner.

She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind ofcute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was havingsuch a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave.Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.
The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gatesand found St. Peter waiting for her.

"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So shespentthe next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp andsinging. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St.Peter came and got her.
"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day inheaven.Now you must choose your eternity,"
The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I neverthought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I thinkI had a better time in Hell."
So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell.
When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standingin a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friendswere dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.
The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.
"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterdayI was hereand there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and wedanced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my
friends look miserable."
The Devil looked at her smiled and told...-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
Yesterday we were recruiting you, Today you are an employee.

Kidnapping By Sardarji.....terrific

This is terrific........................
There was a Sardarji who was down on his luck.
In order to raise some money he decided to kidnap a
kid and hold him for ransom.
He went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him
behind a tree,
and told him, "I've kidnapped you."
Sardarji then wrote a note saying:
"I've kidnapped your kid.
Tomorrow morning, put Rs.2,00,000 in a paper bag
and put it beneath the mango tree on the north side
of the city playground".
Signed: "A Sardarji".
Sardarji then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and
sent him home to
show it to his parents ... :-)
The next morning the Sardarji checked, and sure
enough a paper bag was
kept beneath the mango tree.The boy
was sitting next to the bag.
Sardarji opened up the bag
and found the Rs.2,00,000 in cash
with a note saying:
"How can a sardarji do this to a fellow Sardarji?
Take the money, and Please leave my son."
Signed: Another Sardarji ... :-))

Asking boss for salary Increase and..

HOW TO ASK YOUR BOSS FOR A SALARY INCREMENT..?

One day an employee sends a letter to his boss asking to increase his salary !!!

Dear Bo$$

In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding the need$of u$.We are worker$who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company ..

I am $ure you will gue$$what I meant and re$pond $oon.

Your$$incerely,

The next day, the employee received this letter of reply:

Dear

I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOw a days, NOthing much has changed. You must haveNOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticably well . NOw the newspapers are saying the world's leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad. I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean .

.your boss

Boss is always Boss!!!

Boss is always Boss!!!

A man wanted to buy his son a parrot as a birthday present.
The next day he went to the pet shop and saw
Three identical parrots in a cage.

He asked the clerk, "how much for the parrot on the right?


The owner said it was Rs. 2500.
"Rs. 2500.” the man said. "Well what does he do?
"He knows how to use all of the functions of Microsoft Office 2000, responds the clerk.
"He can do all of your spreadsheets and type all of your letters."

The man then asked what the second parrot cost.
The clerk replied, Rs. 5000, but he not only knows Office 2000,
But an expert computer programmer.

Finally, the man inquired about the cost of the last parrot.
The clerk replied, "Rs. 10,000."
Curious as to how a bird can cost Rs. 10,000, the man asked what this bird’s specialty was.
The clerk replies, "Well to be honest I haven't seen him do anything.

But the other two call him *"BOSS"!!*

Employee of the month ?

Answer to Employee of the month

Love Marriage

Love Marriage It's ALWAYS the kids that suffer!! Name is Zenkey!!!!!!!

Letter to God

Letter to God: Simply Awesome

A little boy wanted Rs.50 very badly and prayed for
weeks, but nothing happened.




Finally he decided to write God a letter requesting the
Rs.50.


When the postal authorities received the letter addressed
to God, INDIA,

They decided to forward
it to the President of the India as a joke.



The President was so amused, that he instructed his
secretary to send the
little boy Rs.20.



The President thought this would appear to be a lot of
money (Rs.50) to a
little boy,

and he did not want to spoil the kid.

The little boy was delighted with Rs.20, and decided to
write a thank you
note to God,

which read:



'Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money.

However, I noticed that you sent it through the

Rashtrapati Bhavan in New Delhi, and those donkeys
deducted Rs.30 as tax
... '

Student Vs Professor

Student Vs Professor

After having failed his exam in "Logistics and Organization", a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.

Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"

Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"

Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question.

If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you to give me an "A" for the exam. "

Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"

Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?"

Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as agreed.

Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.

He immediately answers: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical."

*****

Sardar's slippers outside a Gurudwara....

Sardar's slippers outside a Gurudwara....
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

DEFINE ECONOMICS

'Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything' - George Bernard Shaw

TRADITIONAL ECONOMICS

You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.

You retire on the income.

INDIAN ECONOMICS

You have two cows.

You worship them.

PAKISTAN ECONOMICS

You don't have any cows.

You claim that the Indian cows belong to you.

You ask the US for financial aid,

China for military aid,

British for Warplanes,

Italy for machines,

Germany for technology,

French for submarines,

Switzerland for loans,

Russia for drugs

Japan for equipment.

You buy the cows with all this

And claim exploitation by the world.

AMERICAN ECONOMICS

You have two cows.

You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.

You profess surprise when the cow drops dead.

You put the blame on some nation with cows & naturally that nation will be a danger to mankind.

You wage a war to save the world and grab the cows.

FRENCH ECONOMICS

You have two cows.

You go on strike because you want three cows.

GERMAN ECONOMICS

You have two cows.

You re-engineer them so that they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.

BRITISH ECONOMICS

You have two cows.

They are both mad cows.

ITALIAN ECONOMICS

You have two cows.

You don't know where they are.

You break for lunch.

SWISS ECONOMICS

You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.

You charge others for storing them.

JAPANESE ECONOMICS

You have two cows.

You redesign them so that they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

You then create cute cartoon cow images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.

RUSSIAN ECONOMICS

You have two cows.

You count them and learn you have five cows.

You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

You count them again and learn you have 17 cows.

You give up counting and open another bottle of vodka.

CHINESE ECONOMICS

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them.

You claim full employment, high bovine productivity and arrest anyone reporting the actual numbers.

SINGAPORE ECONOMICS

You have two cows.

Believe you have a brilliant government

Need to hire foreign talents to manage your cows

You lost all your cows.

SRI LANKAN ECONOMICS

You have two cows.

You make one the President and the other the Leader of the Opposition !

What Is Marriage

1. Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence (a life sentence).

2. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.

3. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her masters.

4. Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffeRING.

5. Married life is full of excitement and frustration: In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.In the third year, they both speak and the NEIGHBOUR listens.

6. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that instead.

7. There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.

8. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.

9. Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.

10. Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her. Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!

11. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

12. They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense.

13. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

14. There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through HELL.

16. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

17. Eighty percent of married men cheat in America, the rest cheat in Europe.

18. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin. They just can't face each other, but they still stay together.

19. Marriage is man and a woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

20. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After the marriage the "Y" becomes silent.

21. I married Miss right; I just didn't know her first name was Always.

22. It's not true that married men live longer than single men, it only seems longer.

23. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

24. A man was complaining to a friend: I HAD IT ALL-MONEY, A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE, THE LOVE OF A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, THEN POW! IT WAS ALL GONE. WHAT HAPPENED, asked his friend. He says MY WIFE FOUND OUT.

25. WIFE: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. HUSBAND: OK, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway lighs on.

26. At a cocktail party, one woman said to another: AREN'T YOU WEARING YOUR RING ON THE WRONG FINGER? The other replied, YES, I, AM. I MARRIED THE WRONG MAN.

27. Man is incomplete until he gets married, then he is finished.

28. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

29. A man inserted an ad in the paper - WIFE WANTED. The next day he received a hundred of letters and they all said the same thing - YOU CAN HAVE MINE.

30. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing - either the car is new or the wife is.

James Bond Gone Crazy!

On a flight James bond was sitting next to a Telugu guy. (with strong Telugu sentiments)

The conversation went ahead as under

Telugu Guy: "Hello, May I know your name please?"

James Bond: "My name is Bond"
Continuing in his inimitable style, " ....James Bond."

Then Bond asks:"And you?"

Telugu Guy: " My name is Rao...
Siva Rao...
Samba Siva Rao...
Venkata Samba Siva Rao...
Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao...
Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao...
Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao...
Vijayawada Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva
Rao..."

Since then whenever anyone asks James Bond his name he simply says "Bond"

Career Growth Meter

Hi!
This Meter Shows Where U Stand

SUSPECT ULTIMATE:::Chicken story (mindblowing climax)

A farmer rears twenty-five young hens and one old cock.

As he feels that the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently,

the farmer bought one young cock from the market.

Old cock to Young cock : "Welcome to join me, we will work together towards productivity.

Young cock : What you mean? As far as I know, you are old and should be retired.

Old cock : Young boy, there are twenty-five hens here, can't I help you with some?

Young cock : No! Not even one, all of them will be mine.

Old cock : In this case, I shall challenge you to a competition and if I win you shall allow me to have one hen and if I loose you will have all.

Young cock : O.K. What kind of competition?

Old cock: 50 meter run. From here to that tree. But due to my age, I hope you allow me to start off the first 10 meters.

Young cock : No problem ! We will compete tomorrow morning.

Confidently, the following morning, the Young cock allows the Old cock to start off and when the Old cock crosses the 10 meters mark the Young cock chases him with all his might.

Soon enough, he was behind the Old cock back in a matter of seconds.

Suddenly, Bang! ...... before he could overtake the old cock, he was shot dead by the farmer, who cursed, "Hell ! This is the fifth GAY chicken I've bought this week !"

Who needs prayers?

Who needs prayers?

A lady approaches a priest and tells him,

"Father, I have a problem.

I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.

They keep saying "Hi, we're hot. Do you want a date?"

"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed.

"But I do have a solution to your problem.

Bring your two parrots over to my house and

I will put them with my two male talking parrots to whom I have taught to pray and read the bible.

My parrots will then teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to pray and worship."

So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house.

The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.

The lady puts her female talking parrots in with the male alking Parrots, and the female parrots say, "Hi, we're hot. Do you want a date?"

One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and screams, "Put your Bible away Idiot, our prayers have been answered !"

I never take risk while drinking

I never take risk while drinking
When I come from office in the evening, wife is cooking
I can hear the noise of utensils in the kitchen
I stealthily enter the house
Take out the bottle from my black cupboard
Shivaji Maharaj is looking at me from the photo frame
But still no one is aware of it
Becoz I never take a risk
I take out the glass from the rack above the old sink
Quickly enjoy one peg
Wash the glass and again keep it on the rack
Of course I also keep the bottle inside my cupboard
Shivaji Maharaj is giving a smile
I peep into the kitchen
Wife is cutting potatoes
No one is aware of what I did
Becoz I never take a risk
I: Any news on chopra's daughter's marriage
Wife: Nope, she doesn't seem to be that lucky. Still they are looking
out for her
I: again come out; there is a small noise of the black cupboard
But I don't make any sound while taking out the bottle
I take out the glass from the old rack above sink
Quickly enjoy one peg
Wash the bottle and keep it in the sink
Also keep the Black Glass in the cupboard
But still no one is aware of what I did
Becoz I never take a risk
I: But still I think chopra's daughter's age is not that much
Wife: What are you saying? She is 28 yrs old... like an aged horse
I: (I forgot her age is 28) Oh Oh...
I:again take out potatoes out from my black cupboard
But the cupboard's place has automatically changed
I take out the bottle from the rack and quickly enjoy one peg in the sink
Shivaji Maharaj laughs loudly
I keep the rack in the potatoes & wash Shivaji Maharaj's photo & keep
it in the black cupboard
Wife is keeping the sink on the stove
But still no one is aware of what I did
Becoz I never take a risk
I: (getting angry) you call Mr. chopra a horse? If you say that again, I
will cut your tongue...!
Wife: Don't just blabber something, go out and sit quietly...
I take out the bottle from the potatoes
Go in the black cupboard and enjoy a peg
Wash the sink and keep it over the rack
Wife is giving a smile
Shivaji Maharaj is still cooking
But still no one is aware of what I did
Becoz I never take a risk
I: (laughing) So chopra is marrying a horse!!
Wife: Hey go and sprinkle some water on your face...
I again go to the kitchen, and quietly sit on the rack
Stove is also on the rack
There is a small noise of bottles from the room outside
I peep and see that wife is enjoying a peg in the sink
But none of the horses are aware of what I did
Becoz Shivaji Maharaj never takes a risk
chopra is still cooking
And I am looking at my wife from the photo and laughing
Becoz I never take what???



Because the wind is high, it blows my mind.
..................................................................................................

A man's life — what a life!

God created the donkey

and said to him.
"You will be a donkey. You will work un-tiringly from sunrise to sunset
carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass,
you will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years."
The donkey answered:
"I will be a donkey, but to live 50years is much. Give me only 20years"
God granted his wish.
........................................................................
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
God created the dog

and said to him:
"You will guard the house of man. You will be his best Friend.
You will eat the scraps that he gives you and
you will live 30years.
You will be a dog. "
The dog answered:
"Sir, to live 30years is too much,give me only15 years.
" God granted his wish.
............................................................................
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
God created the monkey
and said to him:
"You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks.
You will be amusing and you will live
20 years. "
The monkey
answered:
"To live 20years is too much, give me only 10years."
God granted his wish.
........................................................................
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Finally God created man....

and said to him:
"You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth.
You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals.
You will dominate the world and you will live 20years."
Man responded:
"Sir, I will be a man but to live only
20 years is very little,
give me the 30years that the donkey refused,
the 15years that the dog did not want and
the 10years the monkey refused.
" God granted man's wish ...................................................................
And since then, man lives
20 years as a man ,
marries and spends
30 years like a donkey,
working and carrying all the burdens on his back.
Then when his children are grown,
he lives 15years like a dog taking care of the house
and eating whatever is given to him,
so that when he is old,
he can retire and live 10years like a monkey,
going from house to house and from one son or
daughter to another doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren.
That's Life.
.